I think it’s natural to expect a significant learning curve for first time parents. Emily and I are learning, me more so than her as I had never even held a infant or changed a diaper prior to Anna.

One thing I learned today is that infants don’t respond that well to logic and reasoning. Let me give you an example.

It was about 3pm in the afternoon, time for Anna to be fed. Before feeding, I changed her diaper and then handed her off to Emily. As she was finishing up, the phone rang, and it was for Emily. A good time for me to dress her, swaddle her, and then see if I can get her to go to sleep.

She was especially fidgety though, so I had to exhaust my entire repertoire of Anna-go-to-sleep-techniques (which is probably a bit small at this point because well… see the title of this post).

Here is a list of the things I tried (in no particular order):

  • Putting her vertical against my shoulder and bouncing gently
  • Cradling her and swaying slowly form side to side
  • Swinging her in my arms
  • Swaying and bouncing combination move
  • Sitting slightly reclined on the couch with her learning against my chest
  • Patting her bottom (lightly of course)
  • Singing

When all of this failed, I decided to try something that I am absolutely certain would have worked on me as an infant, which is: clearly and succinctly explaining that crying is simply not logical once all of your comfort needs have been met.

She wasn’t hungry because she was just fed. She wasn’t cold because I dressed her and swaddled her. Her diaper was clean because I had just changed it. I tried putting her in every conceivable position to make her comfortable, so it couldn’t have been how she was positioned.

So I finally just said “Anna, listen here. Crying is fine — that’s how I know you need changed or fed or to be warmed up or whatever. But once you’ve been changed and fed and warmed up and there is nothing else left that could be wrong, then crying is no longer an option, do you understand? You’re simply forbidden to cry without a good logical reason, and since I’ve already eliminated all of the acceptable reasons, it’s time for you to stop crying, okay?”

She didn’t respond, but I took her flailing arms and legs as a message that she clearly understood me and was ready and willing to cooperate (since anything else would just be illogical).

So I said “Ok, ready? 1 – 2 – 3, stop crying.”

At which point I expected all fidgeting and crying and general signs of discomfort to immediately cease.

It didn’t work.

It’s too bad that all infants can’t be as logical and clear-headed as I’m sure I was as a child. I must have been an absolute dream to care for.

I guess all parents can’t be as lucky as mine were :-)